Jokes collections

ss LAUGH AND LAUGH AGAIN Ghost 1: Hey Ghost 2: Hey Ghost 1: How did you die?? Ghost 2: I was mistakenly locked up in a refrigerator. At first, i was chilling, then, i started freezing, and then, i couldn't breathe again... i died of suffocation. Ghost 1: Wow.... what a sad way to die. Ghost 2: Yeah. How did u die? Ghost 1: I died of heart attack. Ghost 2: What happened? Ghost 1: My wife cheated on me. i came back home and saw a man's pair of shoes. then, i rushed to the bedroom and met only my wife there. She was naked. i knew there was a man in the house coz my neighbor told me. and the man was still in the house as my wife was undressed and scared. so, i started running and searching the whole house. i searched in the kid's room, kitchen, toilet, bathroom, wardrobe and dinning. i couldn't find him and i was very tired of running, so i got a heart attack. . Ghost 2: IDIOT!!!! If u would have checked the refrigerator we would have been both alive by now!!!!!:-) A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back. " The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good? ", asks the Irishman. The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone? ". The Irishman replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first "." A Second Opinion A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body,walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too. "The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body,walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too. "The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650. ""$650 to tell me my dog is dead? " exclaimed the man.... "Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests. " Consider one of the most perplexing questions of our time: Where do' solutions go when a candidate gets elected? Do vampires get AIDS?